watching johnny bravo and he gave her the d
when my boyfriend and i met, he was living 3 hours away from where i was staying. we met at a convention through a mutual friend. i moved in with him because 1. we’d be closer and 2. job opportunity.
he’s living with his mom and there are like.. 3 other roommates (whom are the most boringest roommates ever. they pretty much keep to themselves.)
my boyfriend and i have the master bedroom.. and so far.. we aren’t paying any kind of rent or any utilities.. and she cooks for us sometimes. it sounds pretty awesome.. nothing is better than free. but..
1. we don’t have the privacy we would have if we had our own place. on a daily basis, mommy is knocking on our bedroom door and talking through it. i guess it doesn’t bother me.. THAT much.. but my boyfriend has to literally stop everything he/we are doing so he can go tend to her.
2. limited freedom is a bitch. if someone is using the kitchen, guess what? i have to wait. someone using the washer and/or dryer? better get rdy to do my laundry on another day. i’m up at 10 pm? better be super quiet because everyone’s sleeping or trying to sleep. it. sucks.
3. i feel trapped. i never leave our bedroom unless i absolutely have to. my boyfriend and i are at work during the day, but when i come home.. i stay cooped up in the room. his mom is always in the living room watching t.v… the roommate will come up and hog the kitchen.. what have you.
4. we had to ask to have a german shepherd. she said it was fine. we’ve had him for 7 months so far and 1 roommate is TERRIFIED of him (maybe a shitty past with dogs) and the other roommates don’t like dogs in general. I feel bad for my dog because now he has to stay cooped up in the master bedroom with me and only goes out for walks, to potty, or to run around and play in the backyard for a bit.
there are other BAD things, but i don’t want to get into everything.
the solution: move out
boyfriend and i start apartment hunting and we find a really good one that isn’t far from either of our jobs and accepts german shepherds and it’s a decent price (it’s HARD to find a complex that accepts ‘aggressive breeds’)
so we break the news to his mom. “hey, we’re planning to move out soon.”
at first she’s like “oh okay.” …
then she’s not okay with it. she doesn’t want him to leave her.
my boyfriend and i are both 26 years old. why can’t we?
then she’s like ‘if you want to move out so bad and pay money, just give me the money and do whatever you want’. — okay, whatever, but we can’t do what we want or need to because we have to share shit with people we don’t even wanna share shit with. i want to wash my laundry WHEN I WANT, i want to do the dishes WHEN I WANT, i want to COOK DINNER WHEN I WANT. i want my dog to be FREEEEE to 100% of the space.
but we can’t. and my boyfriend STILL gives her money every pay check. i’m not giving anyone squat. well, i guess i technically am since my money gets used between both myself and my boyfriend..
she’s a single mom and it’s understandable. i really want to respect her wishes, but i don’t know if i can take staying in this room with 50% privacy and limited access to doing things. i’m not sure what to do. i feel like if the roommates were OUT, it would be SO much better. i keep asking my boyfriend “so.. how long are they staying here..” and he tells me “i don’t know, they like it here. blah blah blah.” he doesn’t like them either, because they’re boring and complain about dumb shit, but he doesn’t think they’ll be leaving any time soon.
i wouldn’t want to leave my mom alone either.. but my mom is still together with my dad and that makes it easier for me. i’m not sure what to do. i can’t afford to move out on my own, i need him to move with me. i can also go back to my parents, but i’d lose my job and i wouldn’t be near my boyfriend anymore.
gah. what should i do?
i feel like something in the universe keeps trying to tell me that no matter what i do, i am never going to have that peace of mind that those legit, happy couples have. the peace of mind that.. i don’t have to worry about anything because i know that person wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt me. ever. and i understand that there will be bumps in the road and, you know, i’m completely fine with that. but i am so, so tired.. of trusting someone.. and believing someone.. and end up learning that they have tried to deceive me, they’ve lied to me, they’ve kept things from me. then i just think back on.. all of the other relationships i had where i’d fully give my heart and my trust and they just shit on it like it doesn’t mean squat. it really sucks. it really sucks when someone you’ve been honest with, truthful to, and you trust them with everything, you tell them everything, and they’re sitting there doing things or planning to do things that they damn well know will upset you which is why they’re hiding whatever it is in the first place. do you know how much that hurts someone who thinks that they can finally love someone who they think won’t ever seriously (and i say seriously because sure, we joke about things that aren’t true all the time) lie to them and love them and only them after being in the shit they’ve been through in the past with other relationships and what not? it’s so disrespectful to think that i am that dumb and to think that i won’t see through things or figure things out. do you know how that makes me feel? do you know how hard it is for me to trust someone who lies and tries to go behind my back? why is it so hard for anyone to just think about how their actions will make someone feel? if i know that someone doesn’t like something, then i won’t do it. if i know my boyfriend doesn’t want me secretly having lunch with an ex that i still have feelings for, then i won’t even think about it. if i’m in a relationship and i have feelings for other people, then i do what i can to keep those people out of my life unless it was deemed necessary that i had to speak with them or whatever. i’ve put away so many feelings for my boyfriend, i’ve shut out so many friends who are great people and great friends, but just because they like me.. or because maybe in the past, i’ve had feelings for them.. or maybe in the past something happened between us.. and i just shove all of that in a lock box in my head. i respect my relationship and my boyfriend enough to do that, i respect the relationship and him enough to not lie. i have nothing to lie about.. he knows things about me that i would NEVER tell anyone else.. i have no reason to lie.. and if i had the chance to, i wouldn’t. if you’ve been in that situation where your trust has been broken time and time again, you’d understand completely where i’m coming from.